This album is comprised of comedy songs That qualify as parody and satire Which is protected under fair use policy So pretty pretty please, don’t sue me I’m just a dude from West Virginia that lives with my folks And I like to make stupid things in my underwear If I sampled your music, I highly respect you And you don’t have to feel the same way about me Part of the reason I made this album free Is I don’t wanna profit off of other people’s shit Even though I made at least half of it myself I’m terrified of lawsuits to the point that I pee Another reason is because I love you guys For supporting all of my creative endeavors And I don’t make things just to make money But I need it to survive because I have no other skills So I have a paypal and a patreon But I’ll let you find them by yourself Because I don’t wanna look like a greedy cockmunch I just want you to know you have the option Because this album is supposed to free I recommend you don’t buy it directly Download it and if you really like my style Then you can donate to the shit I told you about I really hope you enjoy what you’re about to hear I worked really hard on it for about a week Thank you very much if you donate You’re a fucking idiot and now I have all your cash Woo!

You’re poor, middle-class, you’re down on your luck You tried making it as an artist and no one gave a flying fuck You’re on the end of your rope, and you’ve got expensive tastes But you’re lazier than a sloth, and you’re a total waste You can’t afford a loaf of bread, your life’s a wreck And all you can think about is rope around your neck You need some inspiration, but you ain’t got none You need a work ethic, but you never had one, son There’s nothing left for you in this cruel, cruel world Well let me spin that shit around you whiny little girl You wanna make something of yourself? How can you Without a steady income flowing so here’s a breakthrough Walk into the supermarket, get an application Fill it out honestly, in spite of your frustration Hand it in, head home, and keep a tab on your e-mail Cuz in a few months you might just have a job in retail Kitchen, Cashier, Produce, Fashion 0 Benefits, Always on sale, Working Part-Time, in Retail You’re off your ass and you’re busting it hard Too bad all your co-workers are retards The managers don’t give a shit about you, buddy You’re a business expense and to them, that’s cruddy You can at least afford your rent and some packets of ramen Can’t afford much else, but at least you aren’t starvin’ You’ve finished your training and you’re ready for the job Have a good first day at work honey, here’s your mop A baby threw up on aisle 3 Everyone called off and you don’t have the keys Produce dumped compost in aisle 4 A customer’s mad cuz you don’t sell their shit anymore They’re trying to trick you into giving them a discount If the managers knew, you’d be fired without a doubt You forgot to say you were taking a bathroom break You should’ve said something we needed you just now, for fuck’s sake You forgot to clock out when you went to lunch And there’s a guy in the drink aisle drinking all the punch You have to do a job that you didn’t train for And you piss off the customer and she calls you a whore You got caught stealing a protein shake You get written up for the tiniest mistakes The managers like to fuck you over every chance But you gotta keep ‘em happy so dance, monkey, dance How do you feel about your first day, you big slob? I’m going insane, I fucking hate this job! Kitchen, Cashier, Produce, Fashion 0 Benefits, Always on sale, Working Part-Time, in Retail Kitchen, Cashier, Produce, Fashion 0 Benefits, Always on sale, Working Part-Time, in Retail

Kiddies want a ghost story up in their head While mommy tucks their little elsa sheets into bed They want a little something evil to make ‘em afraid The kid’s bored cuz they’re smart, so let’s dig up a grave Lemme tell all of you kiddies ‘bout a real ghost story With horror more real than president Al Gore-y When a visit to the toilet was more than a sit Dropped a load and took a look and all I saw was Ghost Shit Now the doctor says it’s normal but that shit is paranormal Don’t need meds, call the feds, cuz the dooky’s abnormal Went through a portal in time or space, or maybe sewage Either way I’m bouncing out before shit gets ghoulish A ghost shit’s when you take a dump and despair When you look inside the toilet, there ain’t nothing there I swear to god it felt like giving birth to watermelon, But it’s Ghost Shit, I took a Ghost Shit The law of conservation of mass be damned Cuz Satan took my shit from me right out of my hands It felt like a hydrogen bomb inside my rectum But it’s Ghost shit, I took a Ghost shit Baby don’t look at me, I swear it was there a sec ago Haha fat chance, that shit is up in heaven tho Chillin’ with Lennon and Lincoln and good ol’ Cobain But it’ll be back again to torture your brain Move your ass Casper, this ain’t no friendly ghost If you eat some crispy bread, then he’ll make your ass toast Fiber don’t matter boy, you know you’re gonna strain Gonna make you constipated, and you’ll feel the phantom pain He’s a no-shit Ghost shit he ain’t got time It’s time for object permanence’s bedtime You know he’s gettin’ high when he’s packin’ the bowl He likes to hit the blunt before he tears your asshole Is there ectoplasm in that shit or you been getting busy? That shit is on your Tinder makin’ Tinder girls drizzly It’s never where you thought it was, but always here in spirit That ghost shit is hyping up the party, come on let him hear it There’s nothing you can do so you better be scared Your feces is deceasied, vanished into thin air It stretched my ass so hard it could’ve ripped a hole in time, But it’s Ghost Shit, I took a Ghost Shit The law of conservation of mass be damned Cuz Satan took my shit from me right out of my hands I felt like a gay athlete during half-time, But it’s Ghost shit, I took a Ghost shit You can’t see him, but he can see you That’s just how it is with supernatural poo Better get your scrawny ass on out of the stall When the Plumbers come, ask ‘em “Who ya gonna call?” A ghost shit’s when you take a dump and despair When you look inside the toilet, there ain’t nothing there I swear to god it felt like giving birth to watermelon, But it’s Ghost Shit, I took a Ghost Shit The law of conservation of mass be damned Cuz Satan took my shit from me right out of my hands It felt like a hydrogen bomb inside my rectum But it’s Ghost shit, I took a Ghost shit There’s nothing you can do so you better be scared Your feces is deceasied, vanished into thin air It stretched my ass so hard it could’ve ripped a hole in time, But it’s Ghost Shit, I took a Ghost Shit The law of conservation of mass be damned Cuz Satan took my shit from me right out of my hands I felt like a gay athlete during half-time, But it’s Ghost shit, I took a Ghost shit

There’s a girl I know Skin as smooth and pale as a winter’s snow Body like a canvas, sexy tattoos She’d be different if she could choose Prettiest thing I’ve ever seen For a fucked up little tumblr queen She’s never gonna gimme the time of day She doesn’t want anything to do with me I never did a thing wrong to her But I’m white and she thinks I’m a Nazi I’m not a white supremacist I’m just alone and need a fix Come on and be a part of my world Be a part of my world, not my new world order You know I'll always love you Even though you're a racist and you think I'm a fucking Nazi She’s never gonna gimme the time of day She doesn’t want anything to do with me I never did a thing wrong to her But I’m white and she thinks I’m a Nazi

Howdy there folks, name’s Pussy Man Jones And I’m about to tell you how to wet them bones Got a little bag of secrets to give ‘er a shiner Let me tell how your boy likes to eat that berginer Pussy’s my Speciality The girls adore me I’m gonna teach you all How to eat Pussy Step 1! Take your pants off and show her your penis Then make her eat your jeans while watching cartoons Then shove your face inside her gaping vaginal canal Put your nose inside and take a snort of the cream -SHIT- Then punch a monkey’s balls and build your own snowboard Ask your dad for money then burn off his pubic hair Cum inside a bottle and use it as a passport Try to go to Venus then cry into the sun Fuck a crocodile and forget your own name Make out with a houseplant and use your mom for drugs Ask permission to be a dick and do drugs with your mom Use a broken Nirvana album to suck your own dick Shove a toenail clipper into your dog’s favorite food bowl Comprehend a shoe then spin around in circles Do a double-triple backflip until your taxes are late Pussy’s my Speciality The girls adore me I’m gonna teach you all How to eat Pussy Pussy’s my Speciality The girls adore me I’m gonna teach you all How to eat Pussy Grab a dead starfish and tell him he’s a dick Industrialize a nation based on food stamp memes Be completely inadequate, how’s your mother doing? If I don’t see the moon tonight I’m gonna fucking kill my cat Use a newborn fetus to fix a leaky pipe Fart dark matter, in spite of the cholera Remember your manners, say thank you and please Don’t kick the cat when it has fleas! Create a form of government run by bees Throw sand in someone’s face, as well as bees Bees motherfucker, bees bees motherfucker What’s up, buddy? ...bees By now she probably came about 34 times So grab a hefty trash bag and scoop that shit up boy I ain’t buyin’ milk, I work at a gas station Rent’s fucking expensive. …bees Pussy’s my Speciality The girls adore bees I’m gonna teach you all How to eat bees Bees is my Special bees The bees adore bees I’m gonna teach bees How to eat Pussy

When your captain’s lighting matches Better batten down the hatches ‘Cuz you know he’s getting harder And he’s ‘bout to Pearl Harbor On the seamen with his semen Turn off that beamin’ lighthouse Just be careful you don’t crash Into my fuckin’ port I’m about to capsize And you don’t want in this cockpit ‘Cuz boy I got a surprise For your little sailor eyes, bitch I’m dead ahead ready And my pants are knocking I hope you’re ready, skipper For some Next-Level Docking When you sneak up from behind, it’s a salty surprise But when you give a sailor warning, it’s a morning red sky And when you make him bend over late at night That’s a starboard bow, a sailor’s delight If you fuck him for 6,000 feet? A Naughty-cal Mile If you fuck him with a group of men? It’s called a pile If you run your hands around his body? Navigation If you run your hands around your body? Mast-urbation But if you wanna step it up, I’ll tell you truth Ain’t nothing make a sailor feel like he’s in his youth I know just the thing to get the boat rocking What you need, marine, is some Next-Level Docking I’m about to capsize And you don’t want in this cockpit ‘Cuz boy I got a surprise For your little sailor eyes, bitch I’m dead ahead ready And my pants are knocking I hope you’re ready, skipper For some Next-Level Docking When he climbs up in your ass, you must’ve thrown him Jacob’s Ladder If you anchor at full mast, then the crow’s nest sadder If you catch an STD, then that’s AIDS to Navigation If you get blown by Chinese pirates, then they’re windward asians If you happen to catch feelings, better throw the lubber’s line And you might just catch a Marlin who is fiending for the brine If your ship itself is slutty, then that Galleon’s a hull Just don’t fuck a privileged vessel, it has AIDS to navigation But if you wanna pull his rope without a bitter end Let me tell you how to blow his mind and make him go again It’s a move that’s told in fables, that gets the sailors cocking You know what I am talking buoy, haha...sailor puns When your captain’s lighting matches Better batten down the hatches ‘Cuz you know he’s getting harder And he’s ‘bout to Pearl Harbor On the seamen with his semen Turn off that beamin’ lighthouse Just be careful you don’t crash Into my fuckin’ port I’m about to capsize And you don’t want in this cockpit ‘Cuz boy I got a surprise For your little sailor eyes, bitch I’m dead ahead ready And my pants are knocking I hope you’re ready, skipper For some Next-Level Docking

I left my baby 2 years ago today I’ll never forget what she had to say Dried her tears from her face and looked at me, and she said “Baby, would you love me if I was pretty?” Well maybe, but maybe I fall in love too easily, I fall in love too fast I fall in love too easily, I fall in love too fast But life hasn’t been the same since she’s been gone I realize now, I was wrong She might have had more back hair than me But damn, she made me so happy I wanna feel your cellulite on my hands I wanna feel the weight of your romance I want to cuddle those great big thunder thighs So I can tell you I love you and look into your eyes To me you’re worth more than your weight in gold You’ll still look like you do when you’re growing old To tell you the truth, I’m addicted to how much you weigh To me you’re perfect in every single way Or maybe I fall in love too easily, I fall in love too fast I fall in love too easily, I fall in love too fast I fall in love too easily, I fall in love too fast I fall in love too easily, I fall in love too fast

Fake it ‘till you make it, that’s what they always say But here you get no say, you fake it anyway Cuz that’s what people want, another everyday bro With a webcam, a microphone, and nowhere else to go So we sit around braindead, and consume all the garbage That’s sittin’ on the internet, shittin’ up the storage What happened to interesting ideas and original content Well brother it’s still there, sittin’ under all the dogshit Where did it all go? Well the answer’s simple, joe We fuckin’ gave it up cuz we don’t want it anymore Pepsi and coke decide what we get to see, Cuz the algorithm wasn’t made for the pleasure of you and me YouTube was a place for original ideas But that shit don’t make money so they split us like the Koreas One side gets to have all the money and power and fun While the rest of us eat the grass and pray for our suffering to be done Mom and dad I need to buy the best computer on the net I want to make it big, I want to be a star on YouTube You don’t need to do the work or be the best at what you do Just sell your soul and reap the gold, yes don’t be you on YouTube Document your every breath, your integrity is death Confirm that you are still alive, then upload it to YouTube The advertisers own your ass, please them or your ass is grass We used to care about ourselves but now we go on YouTube TV didn’t fill the gap, all it did was fill with crap The years went by and so did I so I dumped it in the trash Hooked up to my old DSL and plugged into the web And found the people just like me, and was born again from the ash Animation ruled the world, and everybody came to see Self-expression at its rawest, pure originality All of us were amateurs, the users and the artists Seems like it was yesterday we weren’t just used for harvest Now the artists and the users use each other for selfish reasons They farm the clicks for daddy ad and get a little on the side (with seasons) What’s it matter if you never turn your brain on today? There’s more important things in life, like watching ads before you play Like watching bad videos that never once need you to think They turn your brain to solid mush and take a nice refreshing drink Of the fruit of their labor, an ignorant population Who wouldn’t know a good video if it demanded more than total sedation Mom and dad I need to buy the best computer on the net I want to make it big, I want to be a star on YouTube You don’t need to do the work or be the best at what you do Just sell your soul and reap the gold, yes don’t be you on YouTube Document your every breath, your integrity is death Confirm that you are still alive, then upload it to YouTube The advertisers own your ass, please them or your ass is grass We used to care about ourselves but now we go on YouTube You could make a vlog You could just react You could make a Let’s Play And you could react! You could do a stream You could do a prank You could fake a prank You could fake a fake prank You could steal a video And put your face at the beginning You could steal a video Say it’s yours, who gives a shit? You could be a star Just for being you Even if you suck And you fucking suck! Watch some television Watch some television Watch some television Watch some television Watch some television Watch some television Watch some television Watch some television Do people not fucking get it? Do people not fucking see? They’re turning self-expression into fucking TV Mindless garbage pandering to stupid little kids We should’ve stopped this shit before it had a chance to exist! It’s too late! Mom and dad I need to buy the best computer on the net I want to make it big, I want to be a star on YouTube You don’t need to do the work or be the best at what you do Just sell your soul and reap the gold, yes don’t be you on YouTube Document your every breath, your integrity is death Confirm that you are still alive, then upload it to YouTube The advertisers own your ass, please them or your ass is grass We used to care about ourselves but now we go on YouTube But, you know, it’s all okay, right? After all it’s just a bunch of idiots posting stupid shit on the internet; everything gets better eventually. Just look at how good things are now.